Co-parenting: How to make it work, tips, and more

The parent's relationship with their children is reflected in the actions of the child. This is supported by the phrase that children are the mirror of their parents. The term parenting is never analyzed in scientific terms. However, it has been one of the most researched topics in the book of science for ages.

The Definition of Parenting

Parenting or co-parenting is a simple phenomenon that promotes the well-being of the child by supporting their emotional, physical, spiritual, intellectual, and social development. Therefore, a simple parenting definition would be something that cultivates honesty, self-reliance, cooperation, kindness, courage, and cheerfulness in a child. Proper parenting protects the child from serious outcomes like anxiety, depression, alcohol abuse, eating disorders, and many more.

What are the 10 Important Principles of Good Parenting?

It is not just the father and mother who are the child's parents. Other people like teachers, relatives, coaches, etc., have an equal kind of parenting hold on the overall development of the child. Laurence Steinberg, Temple University Psychologist, listed 10 very crucial parenting or co-parenting tips for anyone that handles a child.

1.      Your actions are important

It is a known fact that children learn and get influenced by what their parents do. Right from your eating habits to how you look at society, everything contributes to the development of the child. Strict parents often act at the spur of the moment. Many times, actions in such scenarios have a negative impact on the child. Parents are often the role models of a child. Therefore, as parents, it is important to ask oneself if your actions will bring out the results that you consider to be the best for the child.

2.      You Cannot be Very Loving

In the list of parenting tips, researchers often stress the fact that excessive love can spoil the child. However, this is just a statement on the surface level. Showering love on the child can never be negative or harmful. However, when this love is shown in the form of “leniency, lowered expectations, or material possessions”, then it can stray the child in the wrong direction.

3.      Stay Involved Always

Being involved in the child’s life 24x7 is hard and time-consuming. Moreover, with both parents working in today’s time, it gets much more difficult to check the child’s actions. However, in parenting books, this is very crucial and important. Being involved means redesigning and restructuring your priorities following your child’s needs.

However, being involved doesn't necessarily mean that you help the child out in everything. For example, doing the child’s homework will restrict their ability and desire to learn at a very young age. It will also keep the teacher in doubt about whether the child has learned his subjects well.

4.      Redesign Your Parenting Needs Around the Child

As the child grows, his or her needs change rapidly. Therefore, it is important for co-parenting to keep pace with the child’s development. According to Steinberg, the habit of a 3-year-old saying “no” all the time is also a sign that he or she is ready to get toilet training. Similarly, the curious nature of the 13-year-old results in questions and argumentative talks at the dinner table. Shunning these questions will prohibit and restrict the child’s interest in studies and things around them.

5.      Lay Down Set Rules

As a parent, it is your responsibility to monitor and manage the child's behavior from a very young age. Not doing so will make the adulting years difficult for the child. He will find it extremely strenuous to deal with situations when you are not around. Parents should always ask and answer these three questions: Where is my child? Who is with my child? What is my child doing? The things they learn in childhood are what will shape their future.

6.      Foster Your Child's Independence

Most parents ask, "What is gentle parenting?" Gentle parenting is an approach where the child is given the independence to make choices based on an internal willingness instead of external pressures. While setting limits is necessary to develop their sense of self-control, giving them freedom is equally important to encourage a sense of self-direction. Being independent is a common human nature. If their needs to experience freedom are not fulfilled, then the child can develop rebellious and disobedient behavior.

7.      Stay Consistent in Your Parenting

Changing your parenting style again and again will have a negative impact on the development of the child. The most powerful disciplinary tool is consistency in parenting. Co-parenting counseling always advises developing a parenting plan and sticking to it to bring out healthy and positive changes in the actions and behavior of the child.

8.      Do Not Resort to Harsh Discipline

Steinberg believes that a parent should never hit a child. It is seen that children who are hit or slapped are more likely to get into a physical altercation with other children. With time, they will start using aggression to solve any problem or dispute. Most of these kids also become bullies in their schools. There are countless other methods to discipline a child but hitting them is not the best.

9.      Explain your Rules and Decisions

Good co-parenting is when you set expectations for your child. Children lack priorities, judgment, or experience. Thus, it becomes the duty of parents to train and strengthen their drive and motivation by guiding them to meet the expectations set for them.

10.   Treat your Child with Respect

Every parent wants their children to be respectful towards them. However, it can only be achieved when the parent is respectful to the children as well. Parenting books stress the fact that parents should speak politely and pay attention to their kids. Treating them kindly and respectfully will teach them to be the same as other people.